It has been over two weeks since Tropical Storm Isaiah came through and the backyard is still covered in broken branches. My achillea flower is still laying uprooted. The climbing rose that came loose during the storm, is now secured back to the trellis. The cut lavender got blown away, but the lavender plant is now showing some new blooms. How am I doing with the post-storm clean-up? Let’s see …
How do we recover from events that unsettle us and turn our world upside-down? We first need to attend to the practices, dynamics, and relationships that harm our sense of safety and stability. Some practices and relationships may need to be redefined; some may need to be left behind. Our goal at this point is to rebuild our hope that there is a path forward; that there is a future worth looking forward to.
A better future often means a future in which we can connect with others the way we want to, we can achieve professional and personal goals, we can feel centered and at peace. In order to do that, we need to identify and do away with the “coping mechanisms” that are no longer helping us cope and the strategies that get in the way rather than help us succeed.
“Doing away with the old” is successful when “the old” gets replaced with new practices and relationships that reinforce our ability to be present, to feel joy, to dream, to chase our goals, or to simply follow through.
How long does it take to recover? It depends on how upsetting an event is and how much it unsettles us. It depends on how centered and well-adjusted we were before the event. It depends on how much the event burdens our cognitive and emotional resources and how many we had to begin with.
Basically, recovery needs time, and patience, and generous attention to our needs.
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